Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Ugly Furniture

A monkey CD rack

My second floor neighbours moved out today. They were off to live in their newly purchased house. During the move we, the neighbours of the first floor (one of them being the sister of the neighbour of the second floor) watched on the porch as furniture and boxes were being hauled out. For the record I offered to help move stuff but was told I wasn't needed. This allowed me to go back to my apartment to get my camera to take pictures of the move and for us sitting on the porch to supervise. Damn, I'm good at that. :->

One of the items that was pointed out was this CD rack carved out of wood with a monkey on it.
Upon first glance it looked like the monkey had a boner. What the...? Who buys this stuff? But more importantly how much does one pay for this kind of thing? As a gag gift perhaps. It's right up there with buying a toy, that makes noise, for your best friend's kid. If you really want to pester the "new" parent make sure the toy doesn't require batteries to make noise (ie. drum kit, recorder, penny whistle, slide whistle, xylophone). If the kid is older you could get a Merlin with a power adaptor. hee hee hee.

As a youngster I remember having a joke record that I used to play constantly. The jokes being ones like "That train conductor is mean.", "Why is that?", "He punched my ticket.". A half hour of comedy bliss on each side. It wasn't until I was much older that I found out that the reason my parents bought me a large record collection was just so I'd stop playing the joke record so much. It drove them nuts.

Back to odd furniture. It's like that wagon wheel table in "When Harry met Sally" and yet Pat, the owner of said Monkey CD rack, still managed to date Kate to the extent that they're moving into a house together. The monkey rack didn't put a dent, while in their upstairs apartment, into their relationship. That should give us bachelors some kind of hope I suppose. There are girls out there that will put up with a lot of our bad taste in furniture. At least until you move to the next place.

When you think about it, the average guy's taste in apartment decor really does veer away from what the average women tend to like. For example, how many guys out there have apartments with bare walls and the same painted surface when they moved in? It took me a few years to hang up a painting I bought. Meanwhile my friend Nilla has photos and paintings on every wall of her condo.

My friend Neil has a great theory of how to make a guy's apartment gal friendly.
  1. Get all your guy friends to help get rid of all the crap in your apartment leaving only the essentials (TV, couch, chair - GOOD, toys, girlie posters/magazines, mold - BAD)

  2. sand blast, buff and clean whatever is left

  3. make sure the bathroom is not only spotless but you can eat off any part of it.

  4. make toast and scrape some bread crumbs to be put under the toaster. This is to separate you (the hetrosexual male) from being gay. You're a guy you make some form of mess. If you're too clean there's no challenge for the girl to "change you for the better".

  5. Viola! A girl friendly environment

disclaimer: I take no responsibility if the girl dumps you.

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